The Memoirs of Klaine; a Mesmer – Chapter I

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I was a noble, a fancy Memser, and a vision in pink and purple. I was the most flamboyant man in Tyria – really, a Mesmer in pink/purple armor, you think you can top that? – and I was gorgeous. I slicked my hair back as I admired my reflection in the mirror. No, I wasn’t going to go all cray cray and ask the mirror who the fairest of them all was because I knew in my heart that it was me. Period.



Though I was born to riches and a silver spoon – literally – in my mouth, I knew I didn’t want to become one of those fat, jolly men who bathed in gold and didn’t give a tinker’s toot to the plight of the less fortunate. Yeah sure, we were rich now and could afford all kinds of luxurious fabrics and exotic meat from the land of Tyria but we should never ever tempt Fate because the cosmic universe just loves to throw you a curveball when you least expect it. And what that happens, all you horrible human beings who’ve never known hardship will be thrown out on your asses and starve to death.

And seriously, dolyak meat? Really? What the hell is wrong with you people?

I know what it’s like to be abandoned. I came out to my parents – seriously, how could they not have known? – and I was prepared for their question: How fast can you get the hell out of my house? I should have guessed; it was the medieval times. No one was prepared for such a revolution but I knew that one day… one day, these people will recognise me for who I am. Not a fabulous gay man with the best fashion sense in Divinity’s Reach and Kryta, but a hero. A legend. A God walking amongst mere mortals.


I used to sit by this fountain and wonder when my time will come.


Finally tearing myself away from the mesmerising person in the mirror, I walked out of the house. As I traveled the streets of Divinity’s Reach, people walked past me in hushed tones, occasionally staring at me before hurrying away.

Whatever… The news of me being gay was so 250 years ago. And don’t be oh so surprised; what did you expect when I decided to pick the elegant and flamboyant magical arts of the Mesmer? What, did you think I picked it just because I could cast clones and illusions? THERE WAS PINK BUTTERFLIES. GET A CLUE.

Back to my zen self… I decided to travel out to Shaemoor today because I wanted to get some fresh air. Divinity’s Reach can be quite stifling, especially when you’re invited to pretentious parties by people with more money than they know what to do with. Fake people with their fake laughs, haughty attitudes and the ignorant belief that they’re above everyone else.


"He's gay. He's not gay. He's gay. He's not gay..." Oh get a rose and shred some petals, sister!


Expecting to be greeted by a scenic view of lush greenery with white fluffy rabbits and Golden Moas, I stepped out of the ginormous double doors and gasped in the shock. The village was under attack by centaurs! Those foul beasts were setting cottages on fire and harassing the poor defenseless village folks. They trampled the crops with no mercy and hacked and slashed their way through the mass hysteria, slaying indiscriminately.

A Seraph ran past me to help but I heard a ‘swoosh’ and he crumbled to the ground. An arrow – presumably a centaur’s – had flown swift and true and found its way into his neck. I instinctively rolled out of the way as I heard a second ‘swoosh’ and another arrow missed my head by inches, shearing threads of my hair.

Not my hair, you bitch! I charged towards him before he could draw his bow again and unsheathed my sword; this had become personal. I stabbed the Tamini Archer with a flurry of fanciful strikes and it wasn’t long before he dropped to the floor, lifeless. A man behind me hollered for my attention and instructed me to head to the inn where it was safe. But it wasn’t a haven for long because Captain Thackery requested for reinforcements at the garrison and I valiantly volunteered.

Don’t get me wrong, I hate that bumbling, lovesick fool. I’ve heard of his legend of course, the once invincible Edge of Destiny which splintered after their defeat at the claws of Kralkatorrik, an Elder Dragon. All I know was that he picked Queen Jennah and decided to help defend Ebonhawk, while leaving the group defenseless. Irony was, Jennah ultimately saved the city with her mesmeric powers so I don’t see why she needed Captain Thackery anyway, other than to be a needy girlfriend. But this was about the people and the village. It was about saving lives.

I ran towards the garrison, lightning flashing and thunder roaring in the distance and all the while being pelted relentlessly by the rain. I was soaked to the bone but even then, I knew I looked good wet. The garrison gates were bolted and the armed guards yelled for me to defend against the invasion and I turned just in time to see a hoard of centaurs charging towards us. Swords, shields, bows and all.



My mind went, “We’re screwed.” But I raised my sword anyway, prepared to engage the first enemy when a ball of fire slammed into his chest. I looked up and saw a group of people racing towards us. I couldn’t tell how many there were with the rain blurring my vision but I could see that there was definitely an Elementalist, Ranger and Warrior in their midst.

I joined the battle and as I hacked and slashed, I was convinced I looked the best amongst my comrades. I was elegant with the handling of my sword, not barbaric. I didn’t have a pet, but I had clones which shattered in a shade of pink and butterflies. I didn’t command the forces of the elements, but my spells were accompanied by lavish pinky effects.

I destroyed my opponents with artistic swordsmanship, twirled and leapt into the air gracefully, and phased in and out with a pink hue. I am a swan. I flew gracefully amongst the battlefield, taking down enemies one by one and escaped unscathed, without so much as a speck of dirt on me. I truly am gorgeous.

The gates flew open and Captain Thackery ordered us to join him at the other side where more centaur forces from their centaur lands were invading. It wasn’t long before we slaughtered the unfeeling beasts and almost their shaman until he incapacitated us with earth spikes and ran away with his tail between his legs. We gave chase only to stop in horror as he summoned an Earth Elemental. Or Earth Elemental hands to be exact. It was huge, unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. It was easily 10 times my height and it created a swirling vortex between its hands, sucking up everything around it.


The Hands. *Credit: Massively


I slashed at the stone and granite, pretty sure that I wasn’t doing any damage but slowly and surely, I was chipping away at its health. A piece of debris smashed into the ground beside me and a mini Earth Elemental spawned, arms raised, ready to beat me senseless until an arrow flew out of nowhere and hit him squarely in the face. It dealt no lasting damage to the elemental as I could see, but the poor arrow had been bent out of shape. A ferocious bear followed hot on the trail of the arrow and pounced on the elemental and its attention had now changed to the pet’s master.

I left the Ranger to his poor fate as I continued hacking away. It wasn’t long till Captain Thackery cautioned us to run back for the Elemental’s hands were going to explode but it was too late. The impact sent debris, trees, water mills, wagons and even cows flying in all direction. I took something heavy to the head and I blacked out.

Three days later, I regained consciousness and a Priestess of Dwayna informed me that a couple of my friends came to visit, including a Lord Faren who seemed awfully interested in her. She even advised me to get some fresh air and exercise and suggested I help the people of Shaemoor.

Fine by me, it was what I wanted to do anyway before I got dragged into this centaur debacle. To aid my journey, she offered a choice of two weapons I could use: Focus or pistol. I chose the pistol; gunning someone down had to be more fun than smacking them to death with a cowbell.

Invigorated, rejuvenated, energized and inspired, I stepped out of the inn into the lands of Shaemoor. Somehow, I knew the day had come. This was the day my adventure began. The day I became responsible to someone other than myself. This was the day I started my path to becoming a hero, not just of Shaemoor but Tyria. Little did I know how right I was and the horrors that awaited me beyond the fields of Shaemoor…


Whatever could this be? Find out in the next chapter!


About the author: A self-proclaimed geek, Damagedself constantly straddles between the two very different worlds of gaming and entertainment. While not shattering clones with shades of pink and butterflies, he’s swooning over the *eye candies* on Avengers! He loves watching television and enjoys the witty dialogues of Grey’s Anatomy. Constantly fantasizes on how the hospitals of Singapore would be more enjoyable if the doctors were as gorgeous as the fake ones on Grey’s. You can find him on Twitter at @damagedself; be warned for his account is filled with the ramblings of a dark and twisty person.

Further reading:

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About damagedself

Hey guys hey! I'd like to think I have the personality of a quaggan even though my articles might suggest otherwise. Hehe. And the only straight I am is a straight up bitch and a geek. But I hardly unleash my inner little monster (get the Gaga reference?) on people unless severely provoked. Relax, I don't bite. Much. ^^ Currently, I'm playing LoL and DCUO and I spend the rest of my time watching television series and obsessing over pop culture. My absolute favourites are Castle and Grey's Anatomy. That is why I constantly fantasize about how happy I'd be if the hospitals were stocked full of gorgeous doctors. P.S. I love McDreamy. And Darren Criss. Oh, and you're more than welcome to talk TV shows with me!
  • Jesse Wan

    As a player, I love this. As a character, my Street Rat Necro wants to slit your throat, loot your corpse, turn you into a minion, and make you explode in the midst of a ball of centaur archers, while screaming, “Viva la revolution!”

    • damagedself

      That’s so vile! Thank god you can’t make minions from corpses anymore. Lol! Thanks for the compliment. 🙂