Dear People of Tyria…

Please start asking more intelligent questions.  I mean, seriously, “why?” is most definitely not a valid question unless the precursor to said question is a definitive statement.  That being said, I will not introduce myself, as well as my goal and purpose.

I am Bamff (Not Blamff)

First of all, I am Bamff, a genius in my own right.  I am currently working on many fantastic inventions, the most current being the stealthometric module, or simply, a cloaking device that also works in reverse.  And by works in reverse, I don’t mean that it is simply able to uncloak the user, but it is able render anything nearby, that is currently invisible, visible.  My specialty, however, does not quite lie within the alchemagical realm.  I am, moreover, focused on rapid hydrugic photosynthetical replication.  To you common folk, that would basically mean farming.  I study the genomagical makeup of the flora, and am able to extract long-lost magic from within.  Plants are excellent windows into the past.  Through generations and generations, they extract nutrients and neutromagical elements from the ground.  Plants are practically timecapsules filled with magic!  But I digress.

You are an Unintelligent Life-Form (Kind of Like Moss)

Secondly, I’d like to introduce my goal.  My ultimate goal, as given to me by the blasted Arcane Council, is to help educate the disgruntled, disgusting, smelly, mass of Tyria(in other words, you).  It is depressing to view the vast universe I participate in, and to see as the streets are clouded with stupidity.  My arteries clog with the amount of idiocy I ingest by opening my ears up to simple conversations every time I take a required, unavoidable, trip to the market.  It is truly a disaster to see such potential wash into the gutters; so, my goal is to stop this horrific crime from ever being committed again!

Ask a Question, Get an Answer, and Learn(It’s Easy)

Hey, bookah!  It really is that elementary!  You ask me a question, via the asuran avian-chatter network and get an answer.  If you would like a longer response, or a better chance of getting your question answered, I would encourage you to mail a letter to  Any questions I deem worthy will be put up on the asuraweb for all to see in a weekly or biweekly manner, depending on the amount of questions, and the quality of questions asked.  See, bookah?  It’s not that hard, as long as you can spell, reasonably well(I’m not expecting too much), then you are good to go.  Remember, nothing bad can come of this, unless you consider wallowing in your cesspit of stupid the antithesis of good.

 Now Go Study

Seriously, at least try and read a book.  Oh, there I go again, expecting too much out of you.

Further reading:

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  • Saline

    What is the secret to everlasting youth?
    How does one court a norn lady?
    Best restaurant in Tyria?

  • ArcherAvatar

    What does the second “f” stand for?

  • How many kegs does the average norn drink in a week?
    What kind of pranks do charr play?Know any good sylvari jokes?If my paraoccular trichromatic distalconfigurer is malfunctioning and only operating dichromatically, should I reconfigure the vistacapacitor, replace the magifocal dampeners, or try using a non-solarspectrum energy capture array?

  • Anonymous

    Oh man, you’re going to invoke the Bamff wrath by asking questions here.

  • OMG I cannot stop laughing!

  • Pingback: This week in Guild Wars 2 news « Quotulatiousness()

  • Andy

    Whoops that Blammf was me on twitter ;$